Psycho Society High School
by Uzu-kun
Summary: It seems Childrens Aid had finnally taken note of the fact that Edward Elric had been without an gaurdien for four years. In an attempt to stay in Central, Ed had to endure wearing a mini skirt, going to highschool, and a very persistent Envy. Not to ment
1. Chapter 1 Ladies and gentleman I present

This is my first fan fiction ever, so I beg that you not laugh. Or, if you have to laugh, disguise it with some screaming. Or something related. This fanfic may have lemon, and that includes Ed/Roy, and Ed/Envy. Be warned. This story includes many out of character scenes, and short chapters. Not to mention annoying comments and ramblings from me. Mwahahahaha- welcome to my world.

**PSYCHO SOCIETY HIGHSCHOOL**

Chapter

"So, he's hot, right?" one teen asked another as the students filed into class, fidgeting with their clothes, a few girls checking then rechecking their makeup. The teen beside him flipped back his sleek emerald shaded hair, his answer accompanied with the usual trademark psychotic smile,

" Yes, definitely", was the answer, though inside his head he added, 'Though nowhere near as hot as me'. The lithe student then strolled to his desk, sitting easily on the chair in front of it, then, after judging there was nothing else here that could captivate his interest, proceeded to fall into a deep slumber in which he could only be awakened by the next bell ringing. Or so he thought.

'Wow, she's cute' 'Look at her ass, its so shapely, and fine. Do you think she'll slap me if I just… ' 'Dude, you need to get a girlfriend' 'I want her to be my girlfriend!' The threat of being removed from the military was the only thing that stopped the gold eyed fifteen year old from screaming out that he was a boy. That, and the girls uniform that he had been so _kindly_ forced into wearing. Oh, Roy was going to pay. He was going to pay, big time. If it wasn't enough that he had been forced into going to high school, he had now discovered that though while when being a boy girls tended to ignore him, he had the opposite affect on other boys when dressed as a girl. If one more teen asked him if he was 'That pretty blond stripper from the night before', he was going to—to—unfortunately, Edward could not think up anything violent enough for his satisfaction.

"Ah, Ed- I mean, Edwina, how _healthy_ you look today" The young alchemist blinked as he felt a hand suddenly spoon his ass, then squeeze, and he turned around, the expression on his face the manifestation of rage. This was the last straw. He had endured flirting, winking, and certain requests for the whole ten minutes he had been in this hell hole entitled high school, and now, somebody dare grope him, the full metal alchemist! Someone had to die. As he turned, he lifted his arm, and-

Delivered a very girly slap onto the smirking face of Colonal Roy Mustang. _ Oh, Fuck._ A voice in the back of his head remarked, _Well, it seems like I've managed to destroy all chances of my ever returning to Central in one- no, five seconds flat. Oh well, at least I got to slap him. _ The platinum haired boy allowed himself a moment of satisfaction before turning back to the pyromaniac, his eyes unwittingly sparking with indignity and embarrassment. That, added to the fact his cheeks were flushed, made his feminine look all the more convincing. Roy suppressed a sigh. Ah, if only he were…

" Well, that's a fat lot of thanks I get for getting you into high school" The handsome- by a woman' standards, Ed reminded himself- man- _How he got into high school, I will never know_- remarked, using the silence as an opportunity to check his cheek in a nearby window to a classroom, admiring how his dark blue high school uniform flattered his fit body. Modest, he was not. After doing a thourough examination of his face, he turned to Ed, "You make a hot girl, I'll have you know. You are sure you're not a girl in disgui-"

Shut. The . Hell. Up." The chibi alchemist interrupted through gritted teeth, causing Colonal Shit to smirk as he rummaged through the what looked like his backpack. Sure, Mustang had been promoted… but Edward wasn't about to give him the satisfaction on acknowlaging it. "Ah, here it is," Roy continued, as if ignoring the fact Edward had even spoken- which he was- and thrust a package into the young prodigies arms. "You'll need this." He then added a paper to the already heavy burden Edward had suddenly found himself holding. "And this. Good luck." After that statement, he strolled off, yet Mustang looked as if to be in a hurry.

That was out of character. No teasing, no taunting, no cruse comments- except that one- no yelling for marring the Shit heads face, no running, no sudden bursts of fire- today he must have the luck of God, or whatever's up there, he mused to himself, then drifted off to another topic, still standing in the middle of the empty hallway- why had he been in such a rush to get to class. _Wait a minute, there's something I'm forgetting here…._ Ed thought, then his eyes flew open.

"**AHH! SHIT I'M LATE FOR CLASS!"**

**Five weeks ago**

A knock at the door of his Office was what had rudely awoken Roy Mustang on this dreary day- most work days were. The Colonal sat up, grabbing his pencil on the long journey it took and assumed an commanding aura, designed to lead the intruder into believing they had interrupted him doing important work. After quickly grabbing a random form and grumbling an "Who the hell is it" which led the one who dared disturb his doing nothing to believe they were welcome. It was a good thing he had assembled this look as quickly as he did, for as soon as he had finished speaking, an woman in an obviously uncared for business suit strided in. The man slowly began to smirk, a flirtatious look gathering, which vanished as soon as he heard what she said- and as soon as he noted she had no figure at all to speak of.

"My name is Bella Brollington, and I'm from Childrens Aid Society. It has been brought to our notice that Elric, Edward, has no guardian, thus, we have brought it unto ourselves to deliver him to a foster home immediately." Obviously under the misconception they would bring the lad right to her, she stared at the man proudly- he sure as hell should be intimidated by that speech,yes sir, it had taken her a whole five hours to write it!

"You- Childrens- No, I'm sorry, you are mistaken, you can _not_ take away Edward, because he is valuable to the government, and is a State alchemist, thus, has the right of speech."

" The fact still remains that Edward is an minor, without an guardian to be taken note of. We would also take it apon ourselces to take case with Alphonse Elric, but, as it turns out, a suit of armor can _not_ die of illness or starvation. " After revealing that rather obvious piece ofknowledge the woman settled back, looking quite pleased with herself.

"Well, Ed is- "

" Will you please stop talking as if I'm not here!" An irritated adoscelent voice butted in, as the two adult suddenly became aware that the subject of their conversation was leaning against the wall, pissed off vibes radiating from the platinum haired Chibi. The woman, however, looked pityingly down at Edward, her eyes softening as she gazed him in the eyes, and she leaned down to pat him on the shoulder.

" You poor dear.. your mother dead, no parents, no one to understand you , you look so alone…"

Ed stared at the woman as if she were, to put it lightly, insane. Well, looking of what we've seen of her, that does seem like a pretty apt expression, eh? Lucky for Ed, he was relieved of the responsibility of informing the woman she had mush for brains by Roy. Though it wouldn't have much of a better affect on her. "Oh, but I'm Ed-chans guardian " he interjected on the womans tirade of sympathy, really not wanting to do this, and at the same time, glad Ed had a nice ass as he stood up and reached for Edward, using his skills as a womanizer to pull Edward to his side, giving him an 'fatherly' hug. "And he loves me like a father" he continued, as Ed tried not to gag from the fact it was quite obvious the Colonal Shit had forgotten to wash his shirt last night. "Don't you Ed?"

" Of course- Si- I mean, Roy" pasting a cheesy smile on his face as he mentally promised to devise up something torturous to take revenge on the colonal with, since the raven haired man was holding Edward _very _ tightly. The reason of this probably to stop him from doing physical harm to Roy.

"Ah, Er- I see, but-" the social worker faltered, but, determined she had not come here for no reason, "The fact still remains that Edward Elric has not received any education for the four years- according to you- he has been your responsibility. " She finished with a satisfied nod, causing the gold haired teen to grind his teeth in frustration. _They were talking over him again._ Meanwhile, Roy Mustang, who was entertaining himself with the notion of setting the woman on fire, and inserted what Edward would later curse him for,

"Then I'll send him to high school" he stated firmly, not noticing when the fifteen year old winced.

"He's too young" the woman quickly and hastily interjected, getting desperate. Childrens Aid needed Elric. The donations the sponsors would give them would cover the holiday fee she had used to go watch the pretty blond stripper girl.

"I'm fifteen" the subject of the conversation butted in, tired of being ignored- what an oxymoron. Whatever that was. He glared at the woman, drawing himself up to his 5'4 height proudly, as if daring her to challenge his claim.

"He's………small………. For…….. his age…." Bella falteringly stated…

"**_WHO'S SO SMALL HE MAKES LICE LOOK LIKE ELEPHANTS!" _**Ed exploded, looking like the devil incarnate as, oddly, he loomed over the tall woman – over at Riza's desk, she gazed in a perplexed way at where her desk had been a moment before.— Colonal Roy, however, staring at the woman after deciding that Full Metal looked good in black began to burn important paperwork in boredom. Eager to flee the madhouse, the woman garbled something out that sounded like 'Year-Paperwork-Highschool' drew a form out of her purse, flung it at Mustang, and turned- it was then when she ran into supposedly dead Hues, shrieked, and bolted, running screaming from Central. The military personnel, instead of looking fazed, instead exchanged glances, and come to the conclusion of "Pyromaniac and Shrimp."

Outside central, Envy mused to himself that no one had seemed to notice that Hues, who was dead, had been inside the office. Ah, well, it was to his advantage.

---

In the days that followed, Roy came up with Ed's name, School, and , yes, Gender. Evidently, Roy thought that if anyone that was army personnel knew that Full Metal was going to school because of his lack of care, the colonal would be ruined. Since the look on Edwards face after he had informed him of this made him nervous, he ran to the drug store to go shopping. So, Roy bought Edward the girls uniform, stockings, and, after a bit of struggle, managed to conceal his arm to appear like a normal persons- the only reason that had not been the case earlier, was that no one saw the use in it. And, feeling like Edward needed a protecter- or so he claimed- he had chosen himself, telling everyone in the office he was going on a break, admist grumbles of 'You never work anyways, whats the use of taking a break.'

End of flashback

One step from the door to his new class, the blond paused, hand already grasping the bronze knob. Shit. He was The Full Metal Alchemist. He had faced Homunculi, had his arm and leg ripped off by the gate of knowledge- he was not going to be defeated by the fear of opening one pathetic door! He faced this new adversary, Mr. Door, in full cold terror, a single drop of sweat lining the side of his face. The door was mocking him, he knew it- and would not accept it. Slowly, he turned the knob, and took one step in, paused to savor a silent victory, then walked inside the classroom, closing the now forgotten door behind him.

Mr. Door

Mr.Door felt proud. The author had written a whole paragraph about him! He proceeded to do what he did best- stand doing nothing.

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" That's a boy?" "That's the hottest guy I've ever seen." "No, you idiot! Look at that ass-" "Yeah, that's got to be a girl. Just gotta be a girl" "Cool!" "Do you think she got lost?" "Heck, I'm lost, in her eyes" "Dude, never become a poet." Cheeks burning with anxiousity and embarrassment 'Edwena' fidgeted with 'her' pleated mini skirt, on hand clutching the bundle Colonal Shit had pushed into 'her' arms. It was a good thing his hands were busy, or he may have given into some of his more violent impulses. Some of things the students around him weren't helping much, and he was very relieved when the teacher calmed the class down. 'Mr. Dullerton' Ed read from the chalkboard. Was it just him, or were the names here a –little- off.

"This is Edwena Erckle" the chibi had to prevent himself from wincing when he heard the last name the pyromaniac had bestowed apon him, and, he judged from the uprise of giggles and stares, his classmates agreed. Or at least the girls did. The boys… 'Edwena' took a step back as he noticed they were staring at him. Oookay… Had they guessed she was a he? Or- " She is new in our class, from-er…. Central."

This caused a few flinches as they heard the common place of the military dogs. "Well, then, Edwena, would you please take a seat behind the boy with the short brown hair. Yes, that's the place. You should sit.. yes, there." The gold eyed alchemist sat awkwardly in his seat, nervous for one main reason- he had never worn a skirt, while sitting down, in his life. Thankful for the black stockings he was wearing, his automail was unnoticeable, though, and his arm appeared, and felt, human.

He stared at his desk, trying to ignore the murmurs going around his new classroom. Luckily, since the teacher was reading the attendance list, the 'girl' didn't miss anything, and had only noticed the person behind 'her' briefly, thinking, 'Huh. Green hair.' He began to shift through the items in the bundle Roy gave him…

"Oy. Stop sleeping" the catlike boy behind Edwena was rudely awoken by a cruel finger in his side. The owner of the finger received a well placed punch in return as one of his violet eyes slowly opened, and he arched an brow at the offender who had awoken him from a perfectly good dream about himself, Ed, a pitcher of milk, and a cow.

"Why? It's not like I'll miss anything in this useless class" he drawled, not caring if anyone over heard or not. Now that he had awoken, he glared ahead of him, pouting. 'And I bet Chibi-chan's not even here yet..' he thought, then a psychotic smile crept apon his face as he recognized the baraid infront of him. Well, well… talk about desperate measures…

"Actually, you did. You know how you said there'd be a new boy? Well, that's no boy-" "I see", the lean teen smirked, brushing a pine coloured lock of hair away from his face as realization hit him. This was going to be _so_ much fun. And it was all because of Ed, for he was sure this was him..

"Hey, shrimp" the sin murmered, leaning way over his desk, and prodded the boy with his pencil in the back. He grinned as the gold haired lads head shot up in shock. Ah, yes, this was definitely O'Chibi san. "What's your name?" he murmered.

Ed felt anger wash over him, missing the last part as he whipped around to face the other student, gold eyes flashing with anger. "**WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THEY COULD USE FROGS AS HORSES!"** anger was etched into the young boys- or, as the boys thought, the 'Hot Blond Girl'-'s face as he glared at- his eyes widened as he stumbled back, hitting a couple desks and literally scattering papers all around him, stepping on peoples feet as he tripped, landing on his back. Many boys tried to use this opportunity to gain points with 'her' as they scrambled to help 'her' up, but Ed sent them an angry glare that made them stop, and, if he could have, literally dead, in their tracks. .

"**E- ENVY!"** Eyes narrowed and he flipped to his feet, ready to slice the homunculi up as he glared angrily at –

"Edo-chan?" the homunculi was much better at acting then Ed, and quickly came up for a reason for such an act- he lept up, grinning in a psychotic way, then glomped the boy, hugging Edward tight to him. To everyone elses eyes, the Hot Blond Girl and the Freaky Green Bully had hugged. – Envy did not know about that nickname, and most probably have beaten the shit out of the first person that called him that in hearing distance of him.

"Oh, Edo-chan!" he shook the alchemist back and forth, the way some lovers do, until the struggling Ed began to feel sick. The was an malicious look in the sins eyes, though Edward was the only one that could see it. Envy then pushed him away, feeling a odd feeling of happiness at the confusion and panic in _his_, yes his, chibi's eyes. The green haired sin had a hard time not laughing. _Well, really, if Edward had wanted to avoid me, he should have thought up a better disguise then that! It gave me such an opportunity!_ Edward, however, was trying not to scream, panic, or attack the Homunculi, cheeks flushing a dark red.

Envy had almost received a punch in the stomach, but the lithe teen was already back in his seat, smirking up at Ed-wena, and he propped his long , and in his opinion, hot legs on his desk and leaned back in his chair, glad he was in the back of his row.

Full Metal, however, unable to hide his animosity for the homunculi, was flushed yet again, for many different reasons. "What- Did- You – Think –You –Were – Doing!" the petite alchemist snapped. The sin grinned in an insane way at the young teenage prodigy, but didn't reply, instead just sat there, looking satisfied as he watched Ed-wena fume.

It was then the boy in girls clothing noticed his surroundings- one desk toppled over, a few chairs scattered, many students gaping at the two- Envy, though, didn't mind, if anyone complained about him, he'd just beat the fuck out of them. The Psychotic boy then leaned back to watch the show, and 'The Blond Hot Girl', as some of the bi's and lesbians, and most of the boys had dubbed him. Ed-wena began to pick up the few fallen chairs and other such victims of Envy's enthusiasm.

The males in the class room watched avidly as she bent over, trying to catch sight of her panties, but to no avail- though one student commented he could have _sworn_ he had seen the edge of a pair of black short shorts against the girls tights. The rumor network, now back in session in the first period of school, spread rumors of rape, stripping, pregnancy, and the mysterious 'Blond stripper girl'.

Finnally he had finished cleaning, and, flicking his gold barraid behind his shoulder, sat wearily down at his desk like the rest of the class. Soon, he found out that there was a reason this class did not have a name, because he found himself jotting down notes about _nothing._ Flinching from time to time, namely every time he heard Envy move, the slightest rustle of cloth- Of course Edwards not paranoid. Wherever would you get that silly idea?- As the gold haired boy infront of him finished up his notes, the sins trademark smirk appeared. This was going to be _interesting._

Next, was drama. Envy knew this- Edward did not. Oh, but he knew all of the chibi alchemists classes, thanks to how swift he was. And, thanks to how clever he was, and how hot.. oh, how the list could go on. But, anyways, after a bit of clever snooping- after all, they _had_ wanted to know why that woman had entered Central. Another thing the catlike homunculi knew- Ed did not have a schedule. After ripping the paper in his hands to many different pieces he tossed them in the garbage on the way out of the classroom, then strided after the one he wanted.

Sorry for the extremely short update, that's all I can do for now! Gomen-sai, please forgive?

Thank you for reading my first chapter. Please review, I'll luv you forever- and So will Envy! Eeeeennnvvyyyyy!

Envy: What the heck? Who are you? Get off me!


	2. Chapter 2 The nothing class

Chapter Two- Envy the Stalker

"EDO-CHAN!" The slightly female voice was heard ringing through the halls, as the long haired sin caught up to the 'cute highschool girl'. He wasn't exactly sure how his feelings of 'killkillkill' had gotten warped like this, but this was just as much fun as trying to kill the alchemist. Maybe even more. "You don't know where to go, and I'm in all of your classes-so you have to stick with me all year!" His arms snaked around his Edo's shoulders, pulling the chibi close to him, still striding through the hallway. Not really caring if they were late, Envy was pulling Ed this way and that, and, finding himself in a violent mood, was smashing his gold haired teen into lockers, and doors of classrooms, all the way grinning maniacally. Edward, however, was clutching his head in pain as what the sin said rung through his head over and over and over and- well, I'm pretty sure you get the idea.

"NooooOOooo" the gold eyed boy mumbled. The violet eyed sin, however, was having the time of his life, yanking him this way and that. Suddenly, as if a switch had been flicked, Envy stopped smashing the chibi into lockers, and gazed down at him with a calm smile which unnerved Edward more then any of his expressions that day. God, when would the pinnapple-head choose a personality! He thought, frustrated, as the homunculi now took his arm gently, leading him carefully to class. _O-Okay, I think I liked how he acted earlier better. At least that personality I could predict._The freaked alchemist thought to himself.

Finnally, he stopped at the open door of the drama classroom, and Ed, finally regaining his wits, yanked his hand away from the other teen and marched away into the room, looking for all the world like a pissed off chick. It didn't help that on the way there Envy had somehow managed to pull the skirt up higher, showing off the alchemist's hips. The students, after spying the lithe teenager behind 'her', immediately thought lovers spat, which caused all the girls to start giggling and mumbling, and the guys to glare at Envy.

"WHY ARE YOU LATE!" Edward was quite terrified to see a tall, sticklike man looming over him, dressed as if a lord from England. England? What's England? Shrugging to himself, Edward went back to quaking in terror. For good effect, he widened his eyes. Envy, meanwhile, simply snorted, and arched an brow at –checking the board- Mr. Sluttgal. The catlike young man blinked. Was it just him, or were these names getting even weirder then his?

"Well, Ed-wena is new here, so I was showing her around" he replied in a rather taunting voice, a dreamy look still in his eyes. Ed took a step back, and pulled nervously at his schoolgirl scarf as he watched the sins new actions.

" MY DRAMATIC-STUFF IS NEVER WRONG!" The man spoke in a frightening manner, eyes wide as he quite literally leered down at them, announcing this as if it were important.

" And what do your dramatic instincts say?" the emerald haired boy drawled, smirking at the man. And here people called him psychotic. He wasn't insane, he-was-just-hot-and-proud-of-it.

"DON'T MOVE OR I'LL HIT YOU!" Brandishing a cane- " YOU WERE LATE ON PURPOUSE! THEREFORE, YOU MUST ACT IN- ROMEO AND JULIET!" the rather disturbing teacher ran to his desk, leaving the two students staring after him. After around ten minutes, Envy had fallen asleep against a very frigid Ed, who wished him far away, and had to restrain himself from hitting him. He instead satisfied himself with having violent imaginings. Meanwhile, the other boys in the class were glaring jealously at the palm tree who dared steal their dear Edwena away. The girls were oohing and awing, and a hidden Roy- in the hallway on a proclaimed bathroom break- Snapping blackmail pictures with an old fashioned camera.

Soon, Envy, getting bored of being ignored, tried another approach at annoying his chibi. He languidly reached back, and begun to sift through the 'girls' hair, slowly unbraiding it that soon it hung in curls down his back. His hand clenched into fists, but, oddly, there was no other sign of annoyance. Ency made a small moue, disappointed, then prepared for the ultimate annoyance.

As soon as he was about to give the ultimate annoyance, the freaky Teacher turned around with a flourish, brandishing a script like a sword. "WE SHALL DO- ROMEO OND JULIET!" Envy grinned, and Edward, relieved he could finally move, shoved the green haired sin away, and resisted the urge to beat him up. Barely. The other stepped away easily, smirking widely,

"I would be pleased to play Romeo," Envy smoothly spoke up, knowing he just had to be this character- it was the only sensible thing for them to choose- after all, he was hot, smooth, and look at his scorching body-

"YOU THERE, PEEKING IN THE WINDOW!" Roy jerked back from taking photo's, eyes widening as he turned and began to run like hell. Mr.Slutconna swiftly slammed the door open, chasing after the womanizer, then, after pulling the struggling man to the classroom, set him infront of his desk. The pyromaniac, in an effort to be dignified, drew himself up, and eyed the class with what he thought was an commanding aura, the same one he had used on the social worker.

The girls burst into rounds of, "Omagod he's soooooo hot." And the boys, who noticed Ed-wena trying not to laugh, immediately assumed she liked him, and narrowed their eyes at him threateningly. Roy, however, had noticed the hot blond girl beside Envy- and gaped. First of all, what the Fuck was Envy doing here- and second of all, shit. Full Metal looked _cute_ with his hair down. The colonal was brought back to reality, however, when the teacher announced,

"YOU SHALL BE ROMEO," glancing around and just happening to see a gold haired girl gazing wide eyed at him, "YOU CONTRAST HIM, YOU MIGHT, SHALT BE JULIET!" Shalt? What the heck was that? The chibi mused, then gaped. Did he mean- _him!_ He did not have any time to think apon it, however, since a certain palm tree was immediately glaring at Roy through eyes that were slits, totally contrasting his wide grin as he pulled Ed-wena to him with a psychopathic look, holding 'her' in a tight grip.

"Edwena is _mine!_" pulling the gold eyed prodigy tighter to his chest, which was most probably what snapped the shell shocked alchemist out of his standingcoma-Cool,I made up a new word!)And causing him to lash out quickly at the homunculi.

"You'd have to make me, Freak!" The gold haired boy cried, causing Envy to gaze musingly at him, giving Edward a bad feeling. Roy, meanwhile, was snapping pictures from behind the teachers back, gathering blackmail of sorts. Meanwhile, the drama teacher, unphased by the events around him..

"EDWENA- IS THAT YOUR NAME?" Gazing musingly at the catlike figure beside Ed, his eyes sharpened, causing many to feel shivers down their backs. Juliet. Ah, yes, this strange boy would make the perfect Juliet, with his long hair… though the girl that resembled his beloved blond stripper,

"YOU, ENVY, WILL BE JULIET! NOW, WHICH ONE OF YOU TWO WILL BE ROMEO.. CAMARA GUY, OR EDWENA….." Envy was almost about begin his drop dead sexy pout. That meant he wouldn't be able to boss Ed around in the play! Of course, that would mean the shorty wouldhave to climb a ladder to beg for his love- he liked that idea. He liked it a lot. And after his little Ed-wena had challenged the him…. Ah, yes, more fun for the psychotic sin.

Edward flinched at the look in the homunculi's eyes. It was the same delight he had seen in battle. A step back, and then another, in fear- he couldn't quite decide what was more terrifying, Envy, or the teacher- and turned, running towards the back of the room, eyes wide with terror. Too much had happened this morning, to much to handle. Taking refuge on an empty chair, hoping the sin wouldn't follow him as he slammed the half opened bundle Roy had given him onto the desk.

The bored class, however, was doing whatever they wanted, giggling, gasping, and teasing. One girl inched forward, throwing a eraser at Ed-wena, eyes full of jealousy. Ed did not need this. A _girl_ was jealous of him. His eyes were then drawn to Envy and Roy, both of whom he had abandoned in horror. Wondering what they were talking about, since he couldn't really hear , as the raised voices were not loud enough to surpass the loud classroom chatter, he found himself gazing at the two, comparing them- one of his arms came up and he hit himself on the head. BAD ED! BAD! He scolded himself.

Roy couldn't believe it. The chibi was the most annoying if not the most aggravating of all the soldiers, though he was amusing to anger. But back there in the hallway.. when he had seen him in that skirt.. with those large, gold eyes, and that makeup the Colonal had to force onto him..it had been hardfor the womanizer not to drag him into the nearest broom closet. Shit. He had a hard time not grabbing the nearest flammable object and burning it to hell. If he made a move on Ed now, he'd have an excuse, but the Alchemist would probably kill him with that oversized kitchen knife of his. Not to mention Central.. If Hawkeye or Havoc found out he was gay… he shuddered to think about it.

"WELL, THEN, I THINK YOU WOULD BE A WONDERFUL ROMEO FOR ENVY'S JULIET!" The pyromaniacs head shot up. _Envy_ was going to play Juliet? Oh, fuck, there was no way he'd play Romeo to that freak. Never mind that, what was that creature doing here anyways! He, or she- Roy could never decide- was currently reported to be chasing the philosophers stone in a far away place or something. As if the sin could guess the direction of his thoughts, the sin waved at him cheerily, before replying, "Sounds good. Tell me, what costume will go on this hot little body? " And here he said he didn't have an ego.

"WELL, THEN, NOW YOU TWO SEEM TO LIKE EACHOTHER!" The two rivals, enemies, gaped at eachother, and the side of Envy's eye twitched. The dark eyed man beside him took a step away- and then Envy smiled, scaring Roy more then ever. In fact, this terrified him.

"Oh, teacher, will you come here?" Roy felt panicked. He had no blackmail on this teacher.

-EXPLANATIONS-

Pretty Pickles: First, about the chibi stuff- I know this isn't set in Japan, but this is a **parody**- meaning, my job is to warp, twist, and mold this anime out of shape as much as I can. And about the name- does Roy have an imagination? No. Plus, look at the other first names here- Fletcher, Alphonse, Tucker- Edwena sounds sensible in compare. Anyways, Edith isn't cute enough for Edward. Plus, without all this stuff, it wouldn't be as fun, right?

. Silence.

Ok, maybe it would. But that's besides the point. The point is- For you friendly folks, Ello, and I luv you for the reviews! Specailized messages to my beloved reviewers-

Forever yours Zana: Wow! I got an review from one of my three favourite fan fiction authors! Seriously, you should read her fan fictions.

Me and My God complex: Another of my favourites! I feel luved!

Shu chan- Thank you so much for the review! I'll make sure to update soon, just for you!

Anime lover- I have a Very, Very short nettime… TT I'll try to make my chapters longer.

Solo-MaxWell- The blond stripper will remain a mystery, for now.

More reviews please! I'm sorry if this fanfiction is confusing, but at least its good. I think. I hope.

Ed: You wish. You can't even get any fans!

Envy: Yeah, that's because she's a bad writer. And because I haven't fucked my Edward yet!

Me: Shut up and stop complaining or I'll sick Dante on you, Envy.

Ed: Oh, so I get ignored.

Me: … Do you want me to use my 'Fan Appreciation Bat', imported from Megatokyo, on you? Because, believe me, I will not hesitate..

Roy: STOP IGNORING ME!

Envy: Shut up Mr. Snappy-Happy-Fire- Horse.

Roy: Eh?

Me: He said shut up.

Roy: Oh. **smirk.** Why should I?

Ed: JUST SHUT UP OR I'LL MAKE YOU COLONAL SHUT!

Roy: _Eep! _


	3. The deal

CHAPTER THREE- FREAK OUT TIME 

**This chapter contains scenes of Edward freaking out because this whole story makes no sense. I lost half my chapter, so please don't blame me for the size, I'll fix it up later, I swear. I'm sorry to those who are confused. If, in the reviews, andyone asks me what just happened in the last chapter, I will gladly explain.**

Envy stuck his tongue out at the Colonel from behind the drama teachers shoulder, in one of his more childish gestures. He then turned back to the drama teacher, and began to spin a tale that would hold the teachers attention- and persuade him- and it did. Boy, were humans stupid. Even his Edo-kun. Glancing towards the very confused blonde, he grinned, reveling in how easy it was to get the blond off of track.

Mr. Slutconna and _it_ had returned, and the freak of nature looked as if he were trying not to laugh its head off. Recognizing the evil look in the palm trees eyes, Roy flinched. Just once, but that was enough for the sin to know he had unnerved the great Flame alchemist. Who knew, the great 'Brigader General' was scared of a simple play. Oh, of course both Edward and Envy knew that Roy had been promoted, but neither would acknowledge it.

Mr. Slutconna opened his mouth to announce whatever he and the homunculi had agreed apon, but as soon as he had, the bell wrang. The hated bell. Bringer of Hell. The one item which made all scream in frustration. And in that moment, all Roy felt about that bell was relief. An intense, profound, relief. Which vanished, when he noticed Edward, of his own accord, _Walk up to the freak._

He was not wanting to do this, Edward acknowledged to himself, fully aware of the possible physical damage that would insue if he went through with this, which he knew by prior experience- i.e last period. But he, had learnt ,from Colonel Shit the day before, that if you were late for three classes, you would have to stay after school, and would get a single black mark. Biting his bottom lip, he drew a breath in, then let it out. Ok. This was the last time he'd ever ask _Envy_ for a favor, but since his schedule had gone mysteriously missing…

"Will you please help me get to my next subject?" the chibi questioned through gritted teeth. Thought he'd much rather just get lost, that wouldn't be an option if he wanted to get through this school year. The sin arched a brow at him, very, very tempted to say no. Edward had left him all alone all period, and had even dared ignore him! He had forced him to go through great lengths just so they could stay together! He was feeling very, very, annoyed. Suddenly, his trade mark grin twisted his lips as he leaned down, and whispered into his Edo's ear. Edward went white, and the sin whispered again. Whatever he had said to the blond chibi made him give a short nod.

This occurrence caused many of the people in the hall – they had walked outside of the classroom and were headed down the hallway when this occurred. Many girl giggled, coming up with their own explanations for the sudden exchange, as the girl suddenly smiled brightly up at the transversite, though it seemed a bit forced, and, after an inquisitive look at her, he slipped an arm around her shoulder, leading her in the opposite direction.

Roy gazed with shock at the wall infront of him. How- how – how had – what had just happened! One minute Full Metal was… yelling at the creature, and now he was- he was- **flirting!** Oh, Edward Elric would be getting hell over this. Suddenly he realized he had to get to class, and hurried off to music, in which he spent the entire period fantasizing about a certain gold haired teenagers ass.

The Humunculious was humming. Yes, humming. But what was currently bothered this alchemist wasn't exactly that he was humming- it was **what** this sin was humming. He wasn't sure whether he wanted to laugh or go into shock. Because what Envy was singing, was the hated song. Was the song that made some quiver in fear- oh, yes, it was the **BARNEY SONG.** If it hadn't been for their deal, Edward would have run from the class room, but that was not an option. So he settled for inching his desk away from the one beside him. There was one other reason he wouldn't run- He didn't want to risk his skirt flipping up, as well. Normally, he wouldn't have, either, but it wouldn't have been as traumatized if it had happened here. It wasn't exactly because of any reason, but more like a person.

**YET ANOTHER FLASHBACK**

**_Half an hour ago_**

Ed and Envy were hustled into class by some random man, whom they found out later was the art teacher. A second later, the man slammed the door shut behind him, and introduced himself as the art teacher. Then opened his mouth, about to scream his head off at them for being late.

"Lovely," a well known sin remarked, "So tell me, are all teachers in this school as mentally challenged as you are?" He was about to receive the brunt of the yelling, when the teacher noticed the boys figure. And how cute the girl beside the boy was.

" Yes, Yes, That's of no matter- Since you two are girls, I'll let you off the hook." They gaped. Did he just call Envy- a girl! Actually, Edward wasn't that surprised, but the emerald haired teen was. Not wanting to get a detention, the chibi was quick to drag the homunculi to a set of seats, and sit them down. They then learnt that all art class consisted of was how to draw women. So Envy went off to never never land, and Ed, being a good little student, actually listened.

The terms had been this-

Envy- I will help you catch up, and help you get to your different classes until you know them by heart, if you do this.

Ed- What.

Envy- You have to pose as my girlfriend.

Ed-HECK NO!

Envy- Want me to add lunch?

Ed- …..

Envy: Hmmm?

Ed: FINE!

**END OF FLASHBACK.**

Edward now realized that had been a completely useless agreement, since he could have just gotten a copy from Roy. After realizing this, the blonde then proceeded to smash his head against the desk, thinking like a mantra, _stupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupid_- but then was snapped out of his mantra-ing by Mr.Dreco's next statement-

"And now, we shall be drawing naked women." Glancing to the side, Edward noticed the amythist eyed sin now gazing avidly at the teacher. Ed felt his cheeks heat up, and many of the less sluttish girls in the class suddenly came up with an mysteriously contagious case of diahria, and had to go to the bathroom. Unfortunately, Edward, who had no idea where the washrooms were, could not use this excuse, so was left staring at a piece of blank paper. Oh, he had been listening to the lesson, but there was no way in hell he would draw a naked woman.

Envy, however, slipped a pencil out from somewhere, most likely from thin air, since he's cool like that (L.o.l, sorry, couldn't resist) and began to scetch the shape of a body which oddly resembled the he-she beside him, who was quick to tear his gaze away from the picture. Shit.

**ALLRIGHT, I ADMIT IT.This is one of the worst chapters so far. But hey, don't blame me! Blame Envy!**

**Envy: What! Why me**

**Ed: Dunno. Oooh, look at that mascara.**

**Roy: Smirk. Looks like you are a girl after all, Edward**

**Ed: It's the skirt! The skirt warps your mind!**


End file.
